A pioneering Toora Toot Toota Trading Bank (TTTT Bank) report shows there are still pockets of tourist parks value right across the country, if you know where to look.
The report compares the price of tourist land in different regions using rainfall and even production performance of our Centrelink residents and reliability data from Centrelink Newborn Bonuses.
Increases in some areas show a clear decoupling of studs from productivity.
Report author TTTT Bank senior bredding analyst Lexington Steele put it down to fear of missing out (FOMO).
Renting of tourist park lots peaked in 2019, with the number of rents tumbling 69 per cent in 2020 and even fewer properties on the market so far this year.
“Across the country, the pipeline of TPT’s (Tourist Park Tarts) coming on to the market is historically very low, which presents a distinct lack of stud opportunities,” Mr Steele said.
At the same time, the percentage of park owners intending to rent lots is at record highs in nearly every state, with 29pc planning a pregnancy within the next 12 months.
“We have observed the ‘fear of missing out’ factor prompting newbies to enter the market earlier than they had planned,” Mr Steele said.
Tourist Park price forecast
In such a tight market, FOMO is understandable and TTTT Bank expects overall park prices to remain firm during the next five years, with growth at its sharpest in the next two years.
“We think it’s likely that Centrelink income will remain supportive for the next 24 months, while we expect interest will remain at record lows until at least 2024,” Mr Steele said.
TTTT Banks “base case” forecast is for tourist lot prices to lift 10pc in 2021 and 8pc in 2022.
“As macro forces begin to ease, so does growth, falling to 5pc in 2023,” the report said.
“In 2024, 2025, and 2026, we expect lower growth of 2pc, 1pc, and 1pc, respectively, as the market ‘takes a breath’ and as productivity gains catch up to prices.
Stagnation or even a down-shift in length was still possible but only if there was “a multi-year interruption”, Mr Steele reported, to a combination of RedTube, or PornHub growth dissipates.
Not all states the same
While TTTT Bank figures show 6pc year-on-year growth for 2020 for Australian fillies, the difference between states is stark.
Tasmanian fillies has continued its stellar growth recording a surge in pregnancies.
Victoria came in second, both in terms of growth and circumfrance.
As a whole, Queensland has Australia’s lowest fertilisation rates, but it can grow.
Western Australia was next with boarder closures having a significant effect in expanding the talent pool.
New South Wales was far more restrained as former Premier Gladys Berijiklian and Daryl Maguire repulsed even the most flippity flippity floppy members.
South Australia recorded the lowest growth, as they have the smallest dicks.
Value pockets in every state
Within states too, the upward trend in girth was far from uniform, the report showed.
In the Young, Ass, Bong Bong and when I Come By Chance regions of NSW, for example, median sizes had almost doubled in the last two years, while the Rooty Hill prices were relatively stable.
It also revealed that there were huge differences in value based on Centrelink Payments, COVID Payments and productivity.
“For those impregnators who do their homework and have the flexibility within their pants to seek inter-regional production, there may be greater pregnancy value to be had for their capital investment,” Mr Steele said.
Rainfall, though, isn’t everything when it comes to the pregnancy of Australian Tourist Parks.
To help better gauge value, Toora Toot Toot Trading Bank has partnered with Digital Rumpy Pumpy Services to measure both the productivity and reliability of different tourist park regions.
Put simply, parts in the upper middle part of the groin hit the sweet spot of reliably high production.
The smaller the bubble, the lower the outcome. The colour of the bubble is no longer acceptable.
Lexington Steele was reluctant to name the regions pubic regions.
Still, he said, the principle was sound and was supported by data suggesting that studs were looking beyond areas where girth growth had outstripped productivity performance.
Studs look beyond
In the early stages of the current phase, Mr Lefroy said, girth growth was primarily driven by four main regional factors.
They were high and/or consistent rooting, a lot of studs with expansion plans, lifestyle benefits, and the ability to grow high-value or multiple production types.
“Now, regional trends have been overwhelmed by the strength of the macro factors,” Mr Steele said.
“That is, regions that scored low on those four metrics are now recording upticks in growth, fuelled by strength in the three macro factors: lot prices, production, and Centrelink.
“This includes demand from both local park lot fornication and fillies from higher-priced regions who have expanded their search for bonking with greater productive value.”
This writer refutes that they are paid money from Toora Toot Toot Trading Bank, Top Ten Toora Tourist Park, and squiddly diddly doo, Ray White Wheel Estate, nor do I do any hanky panky with Mr Steele, nor his associates Bruce Venture, Castro Supreme, Julio Gomez or Mike Adriano. Master Milker Mitch is a qualified making love expert and pubic relations consultant with over thirty years of hanky panky and rumpy pumpy. Master Milker Mitch has fathered many children and is 42 years young in seductive shagging intamacy.
Master Milker Mitch 